Monday, March 10

Today I learned...

Today I learned that apparently online only friends can't be dear friends. At least that is what I was told. It hurt, a lot. Some of my dearest friends are online friends that I've never met in person... or have only briefly met one time...

inannaliban, enyo, thorswitch, davensjournal, desdemmonna, ferelwing, herbmcsidhe, stephanielynch, jazdewills, teal_cuttlefish, lildrafire, magickalmoon, misslynx, pwnedkitten, rowansolasban, seshen, swisscelt... and others who aren't on LJ (and some who are I'm having brain fog from this stupid flare that is still going on) are all people I really care about and keep up with.

Maybe some people who aren't confined to a bed for days and sometimes weeks don't understand that these online relationships are the only contact with the outside world some people are able to have. Being disabled is quite lonesome at times. Sometimes the only real friend I have is a chihuahua who keeps me company while I'm curled up in pain. But I also have this laptop where I can reach out and interact with lots of people and in doing so I've found people I like and have formed relationships with and for me it doesn't matter that it's just words on a screen, it's human contact. I hurt all the same when I lose an online friend. I've been on the net long enough that I have had several online friends die and I cried all the same just as if I had physically met that person.

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Thursday, March 6

ok this flare can go away any time now...

FMS really sucks, big time! I'm still having this stupid flare but at least I did get the doctor to give me some loratab. So I'm on 10mg of flexeril and 5mg of loratab and it just dulls the pain... everyone wave at zombie Gwen. I do have to say something here for medical marijuana, if I had a bowl to smoke I wouldn't be hurting this bad. It really does help me more than taking these narcotics. *sigh* oh well... at least they knock me out so I can sleep.

Parker is really understanding my frustration with doctors now. I know how bad I hurt and he knows how bad I hurt but the doctors do not see me all the time like he does and do not know how much I really hurt. I mentioned this in a comment the other day, the doctors usually just want to treat my diabetes because they assume my pain is caused from diabetic neuropathy which in all honesty I have started to develop in my feet and hands but the FMS I had long before I developed diabetes. I've had FMS for about 17 years and I've been diabetic for about five years now.

I can't stand for very long because it hurts and I can't sit in one spot for long because it hurts. I toss and turn when laying down because it hurts. Some days it hurts just to breath. Sometimes, like now, I can not lift a plate because it hurts. Forget opening the cap on a bottled water.

I thank the gods everyday for sending me a man like Parker who is able to work from home so he can take care of me when I'm like this. I do not know what I would do without him. I can't even express in words what he means to me, he truly is the love of my life and my knight in shining armor. I am indeed a very blessed woman to be loved by such a wonderful man as my husband.

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Tuesday, March 4

bad day

really bad day, feel like dying

doctor not in today so i'm only allowed the 10mg of flexeril he prescribed the last time i saw him

this is a curl up and cry all day day... i can't even lift a plate... killmenowplz

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